News Roundup for April 11

The first conspiracy of the day is headed by American Vice President Dick Cheney, according to the always dependable and well-informed Hizbullah.

"Dick Cheney has given orders for a covert war against Hizbullah... there is now an American program that is using Lebanon to further its goals in the region," Sheikh Naim Qasem, Hizbullah's deputy secretary general, told the Guardian in an interview published on Wednesday.

There is good reason for Hizbullah to fear Dick Cheney. If he shoots his friends in the face, just imagine how he will treat his enemies.

----------

Next conspiracy is courtesy of (yawn) the Zionists, whom Saudi Arabia believes controls the US Congress.

“The reasons for that are many, the first of which is the Zionist lobby in the United States,” Prince Turki [Al-Faisal, former Saudi ambassador to the United States] said... “The lobby supports and encourages Congress members to take hostile stances toward Saudi Arabia,” he said.

If that's the case, I don't know why the USA even bothers to hold elections since every decision is controlled by lobbyists. You'd think that the American voters would have caught on by now.

Prince Turki said that before Sept. 11, 2001, public surveys showed that 45 percent of Americans believed that the Kingdom was a friendly nation. “After it was announced that 15 of the 19 hijackers who took part in the attacks were Saudi, public surveys showed that 60 percent believed that Saudi Arabia was a hostile country,” he said.

Well that proves it. Only a Zionist conspiracy can explain such a shift of public opinion. If it weren't for that, Americans naturally would have all but converted to Wahabi Islam by the droves after 9/11.

----------

Also from ArabNews, talking about the possible hostage payment Palestinian PM Haniyeh mixes his metaphors.

“The ball is in Israel’s camp and everything now depends on the answer that Israel will give to the just Palestinian demand to free our prisoners,” he said.

Maybe he meant that the bomb is in Israel's camp. Could be.

----------

Speaking of prisoners, Hamas is appealing to the world over one of their leaders in Israeli jail.

Palestinian lawmakers from the change and reform bloc of Hamas Movement made appeals to the free world and legal and human rights organizations to seriously step in and pressure the IOA [sp] into releasing Dr. Aziz Dwaik, the PLC speaker.

Since when has Hamas ever shown the slightest interest, or even regard, for anything pertaining to freedom, respect for law, or human rights?

“The IOF [sp] arrest of the symbol of Palestinian legitimacy and the second man in the PA hierarchy constitutes an unprecedented violation of international laws and conventions, which obviously indicates that the IOA is trampling on those laws”.

And since Hamas only ever made a mockery of all "international laws and conventions", why should anyone in the international community possibly object if this avowed terrorist remains in jail where he deserves to be?

----------

And finally...

Palestinian prisoners in Israel jails apparently don't understand what the concept of "jail" is.

The Palestinian captives in Israeli jails, including women and children, are set to go on a single day hunger strike en masse Wednesday to protest the IOA solitary confinement policy in those jails, Palestinian sources affirmed.

Last I checked, the very idea of jail was supposed to limit prisoners' freedom. maybe getting arrested isn't as fun as they thought it would be.

He [Suleiman Abu Sunaina, prisoners and ex-prisoners’ affairs minister in the PA] added that his ministry was and still is exerting all it could in order to bring the prisoners out of jail and fold their file once and for all.

Fold their file? Must be another metaphorically-challenged Palestinian.

For her part, Palestinian MP Khaleda Jarrar of the PFLP, who chairs the prisoners committee in the PA legislature, criticized statements uttered by a number of PA ministers over the exchange deal, adding, “Premature statements over the issue are indeed tampering with the prisoners’ feelings”.

Bwess their wittle hearts - terrorists have feewings, too, you know.

She also noted that the IOA is denying the captives their religious rights, including free time for prayer.

Actually, if prison and/or solitary confinement does anything, it is most conducive for prayer.

The IOA use the isolation policy as a mean to psychologically and physically torture the prisoners, and to break their determination and morale.

And for criminally insane terrorists, to "break their determination and morale" is just the ticket.